Jokes (just for Engineers?)
msrobots
Posts: 3,709
Finally Noah's Arch hits land.
He opens the gate and let all animals get out. He says 'Go ahead and multiply' and off they go.
Since he is a prudent man he goes around the ship and checks if everything is OK.
Finishing this last task he walks back to the gate to close it. He has done all he could and everything was fine.
Now he can rest for a while after this hard work and the long journey.
Except - them two snakes. Sill sitting there. So he said again 'Go ahead and multiply'. And them snakes don't move.
"We are adders." they say. "We can't multiply".
So Noah takes a deep breath, grabs his toolbox and fells a tree. After cutting a nice log out of the tree, he builds a small but sturdy table out of the log.
He grabs the snakes and puts them on the table. And again he said 'Now go ahead and multiply'.
The snakes are looking at Noah, and Noah is looking at the snakes. "But we are adders" the snakes finally say. 'We can't multiply'
And Noah, with the feeling of a men having his job done properly and finished says:
No problem. Even adders can multiply on a Log Table.
Enjoy!
Mike
He opens the gate and let all animals get out. He says 'Go ahead and multiply' and off they go.
Since he is a prudent man he goes around the ship and checks if everything is OK.
Finishing this last task he walks back to the gate to close it. He has done all he could and everything was fine.
Now he can rest for a while after this hard work and the long journey.
Except - them two snakes. Sill sitting there. So he said again 'Go ahead and multiply'. And them snakes don't move.
"We are adders." they say. "We can't multiply".
So Noah takes a deep breath, grabs his toolbox and fells a tree. After cutting a nice log out of the tree, he builds a small but sturdy table out of the log.
He grabs the snakes and puts them on the table. And again he said 'Now go ahead and multiply'.
The snakes are looking at Noah, and Noah is looking at the snakes. "But we are adders" the snakes finally say. 'We can't multiply'
And Noah, with the feeling of a men having his job done properly and finished says:
No problem. Even adders can multiply on a Log Table.
Enjoy!
Mike
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Comments
'I had a root beer, poured it into a square cup, now it's beer!'
Enjoy!
Mike
Googling "order of magnitude joke" I found these selected nerd jokes gems ....
As a young student of physics I bought myself a beer in the student union bar.
Then a friend arrived and bought a round.
Then another guy arrived and bought a round.
And then another... and another.
At the end of the evening there were nine guys around the table all looking at me. It was my round.
That was an order of magnitude!
How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil on paper.
After he had eaten three pies, he bagan to slow down. The waiter asked, said "Rene, would you like more pie?"
Descartes replied, "I think not". And he disappeared.
LOL
(source: http://i.imgur.com/CfSwf.jpg)
Oh, and my sig might cause some merriment.
This is the only one I don't get. I'm more familiar with Descartes's influence on philosophy than mathematics.
My favorite so far is "The bartender says Youre all idiots, and pours two beers."
The pie thing is a distraction.
but all was well, it lepton!
We all now feel like msrobot's icon!
C.W.
LOL
he is with us no more,
what he thought was H2O,
was H2SO4.
Pure H2O2 would have killed him quite quickly, and quite impressively.
edit: so I was searching YouTube, just knowing that there would be a video of someone using highly concentrated H2O2 to start fires and what do I find? Matt, a fellow Propeller user and forum lurker playing with concentrated hydrogen Peroxide.
How many retired Gurkha solders does it take to subdue 30 taliban bandits on a train?
Apparently just one.
Caution: link may contain language suitable for describing one Gurkha subduing 30 taliban bandits on a train.
That post was way below the standards of this forum.
My thinking was that it followed the proper format, is extremely interesting, and contained sufficient warning for anyone that might be offended by things not completely sanitized of emotional content. Of course, I am quite frequently wrong, particularly concerning humor.
As moderator, please delete these and any of my posts that are not appropriate. Although as a person I think this "politically correctness" censorship is out of hand and dehumanizing.
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Mike
Just for future reference ...
Cartesian Coordinates
I was in Ghorka about 20 years ago. It was the first place where I saw the Himalyas. It was on the hike down from the palace that one of locals, an old man, stopped us to point at the clouds. It had been cloudy for days. I looked where he was pointing and saw nothing. He insisted that something was there so I looked again, and saw a break in the clouds - above the clouds - through which you could see a jagged, partially snow covered peak. Damn that was an impressive sight, and those were just the foothills.
A couple hours later I ran into a group a kids who were fascinated with my video camera. Then an older woman wanted to see too. I let her look through the viewfinder. She looked for a moment then jerked away howling and waving her arms. She gathered some kids and hastily retreated.
An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch..
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep **** now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs.... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Smile and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Enjoy!
Mike
-Phil