Things to Consider BEFORE she throws you out
rjo__
Posts: 2,114
This is mostly for Bill, but if you have ever thought to yourself "if I spend one more minute on this project, my wife is going to kill me," then this is for you, too.
First ... relax. She won't kill you. She will throw your backside out, and she will do it at the worst possible moment: just when your project is finally starting to come together. Not to worry... if you are here, you already know that this is far more fun than ... well, you know. And she is going to throw you out anyway, your hobby is just the pre-text.
So, the question isn't whether she is going to throw you out, it is really "when?" And more importantly, "Are you prepared?" I'm guessing NOT and since I care, let me help.
There are others here, who will undoubtedly give you advice... all of it worth taking to heart. I'm going to start it off by listing my rules for making the most of your new found freedom. Let's start with meals. Meals used to be family time, but that was a long time ago. Now, what you need is to eat enough to sustain your weight or maybe get just a little bit bigger... to fit those pants you were in before you got married.
Meals:
1. Paper plates... they aren't just for parties. But if you buy party plates, no one will know that you are eating alone. AND clean-up is a breeze. There is nothing worse than having a great idea and then causing a blackout by dripping dishwasher fluids onto your keyboard.
2. One spoon, one fork and two knives... one serrated...the other for peanut butter and jelly. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/22/peanut-butter-history_n_1222585.html If you have more utensils than you need, they will always
be in your sink... and to eat you have to clean one of them off. So, why not just have one to start with? Simple...but you need to know it on day 1 of your new life, before you go to Dollar General.
Peanut butter and jelly is really all you need to sustain your best efforts and most creative moments. It is very quick, very cheap, and you can eat it at your bench.
3. When you bet bored with peanut butter and jelly, you will need to "prepare" something else: jello. The instructions are right there on the package. Make up a triple batch but only put enough water in for two batches. That way the jello will stand up to room temperature for a couple of days, when you inadvertently leave it on the counter to go test your latest idea.
4. Pizza. I know... you love it because it goes with either beer or wine. But don't forget that it also goes well with Scotch.
The problem with pizza is that after a day or two on your counter, the microwave turns it into a roofing shingle. To avoid this, quickly dip the pizza in a bowl of water. Speed is essential. There is a fine line between that "fresh from the oven" texture and pure mush.
That's it. All that you need to eat and how to eat it.
Laundry
You need two large bags... one for the clean cloths and one for the dirties. When both bags are filled with dirty clothes, it is time to do laundry.
The key to laundry is never to separate the clothes, once they are clean. You only separate clothes before going to the laundromat. I know, you can't see yourself in a laundromat, but remember she isn't going to just throw you out, she is going to take your money... all of it. The best time to go to the laundromat is about 3AM... that way only the junkies know that you are alone and a step away from being homeless. At that hour you will also be less tempted to fold and separate all of your clothes, which is a complete waste of time. This is 2014. You can step out of your shower and into the most wrinkled shirt in your wardrobe and before your are even half dry, those wrinkles will be be gone.
Aside from that, your life should be roughly the same as when you were living at home with your mother ... except she is dead, of course.
Cheers,
Rich
First ... relax. She won't kill you. She will throw your backside out, and she will do it at the worst possible moment: just when your project is finally starting to come together. Not to worry... if you are here, you already know that this is far more fun than ... well, you know. And she is going to throw you out anyway, your hobby is just the pre-text.
So, the question isn't whether she is going to throw you out, it is really "when?" And more importantly, "Are you prepared?" I'm guessing NOT and since I care, let me help.
There are others here, who will undoubtedly give you advice... all of it worth taking to heart. I'm going to start it off by listing my rules for making the most of your new found freedom. Let's start with meals. Meals used to be family time, but that was a long time ago. Now, what you need is to eat enough to sustain your weight or maybe get just a little bit bigger... to fit those pants you were in before you got married.
Meals:
1. Paper plates... they aren't just for parties. But if you buy party plates, no one will know that you are eating alone. AND clean-up is a breeze. There is nothing worse than having a great idea and then causing a blackout by dripping dishwasher fluids onto your keyboard.
2. One spoon, one fork and two knives... one serrated...the other for peanut butter and jelly. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/22/peanut-butter-history_n_1222585.html If you have more utensils than you need, they will always
be in your sink... and to eat you have to clean one of them off. So, why not just have one to start with? Simple...but you need to know it on day 1 of your new life, before you go to Dollar General.
Peanut butter and jelly is really all you need to sustain your best efforts and most creative moments. It is very quick, very cheap, and you can eat it at your bench.
3. When you bet bored with peanut butter and jelly, you will need to "prepare" something else: jello. The instructions are right there on the package. Make up a triple batch but only put enough water in for two batches. That way the jello will stand up to room temperature for a couple of days, when you inadvertently leave it on the counter to go test your latest idea.
4. Pizza. I know... you love it because it goes with either beer or wine. But don't forget that it also goes well with Scotch.
The problem with pizza is that after a day or two on your counter, the microwave turns it into a roofing shingle. To avoid this, quickly dip the pizza in a bowl of water. Speed is essential. There is a fine line between that "fresh from the oven" texture and pure mush.
That's it. All that you need to eat and how to eat it.
Laundry
You need two large bags... one for the clean cloths and one for the dirties. When both bags are filled with dirty clothes, it is time to do laundry.
The key to laundry is never to separate the clothes, once they are clean. You only separate clothes before going to the laundromat. I know, you can't see yourself in a laundromat, but remember she isn't going to just throw you out, she is going to take your money... all of it. The best time to go to the laundromat is about 3AM... that way only the junkies know that you are alone and a step away from being homeless. At that hour you will also be less tempted to fold and separate all of your clothes, which is a complete waste of time. This is 2014. You can step out of your shower and into the most wrinkled shirt in your wardrobe and before your are even half dry, those wrinkles will be be gone.
Aside from that, your life should be roughly the same as when you were living at home with your mother ... except she is dead, of course.
Cheers,
Rich
Comments
For cooking / advanced.... Boiled chicken, get a LOUD timer! This is in case you should fall asleep while the chicken is boiling, the timer will wake you up. If you do not wake up, the water will boil out, then the chicken will become "blackened chicken" and the back-up timer will wake you up (smoke detector)!
I have my own in-house laundry machine, so the ultimate efficiency is to never actually take stuff out of the dryer until you need to use it - no folding, ironing or bureau needed here. What the heck is this 'separate your clothes'? I think the separate the whites from colors is some sort of marketing ploy, it makes no difference (i mean, do you really care if your white t-shirt is slightly blue/red/yellow?)
If everyone throws in their best tips, we can publish the ultimate geeks living guide.
Laundry, 18 pr underwear. you never get caught short of shorts.........
Cups just keep your circle K or QT or 7-11 cups soon you will have a nice matched set of them. Just rinse with drop of generic dawn or ivory and toss on counter to dry. Dishwashers are for the lazy and multi-member families (however you define this)
In my bachelor days I practically lived out of Costco... all I needed was a microwave and a toaster oven!
Oh, and a pizza joint on speed dial.
On weekends, I'd treat myself to a large breakfast - that took care of lunch too.
Thanks Rich!
Without a wife, why hassle? Being single, you now have a lot more money and time, so just hit the garage sales on the way home from wherever, and pick up new clothes, dishes, and silverware, for pennies on the dollar. When they get dirty, just toss them out. This should leave you with a lot more time for your projects, and it is cheaper than a wife or maid.
A good rule of thumb.... If all your socks are stiffer than a 2 X 4, then it is time for another garage sale.
Anyone interested in building a "Multi-Prop Momma" - a robotic replacement for home emulation: complete with hurling complaints, excessive questions, etc?
Then, a Prop to take care of the lawn - to finally prove that the grass has become greener on the other side.
Bringing control through micro controllers !!
Would not trade Wifey for the world. She keeps me sane. Well worth the occasional (or even daily) "Are you still on that **$&! computer???"
Well done, Boss.
Only the few get to live good lives, on this planet, the rest are just slaves, stuck in a kind of, ant eat ant, situation.
This place really sucks without someone to share the suckyness with....
Stay with your Female, because the alternative is to turn into a bitter old guy, wishing the bombs would fall.
Don't end up as the perverts, rapists, patent trolls, idea theifs, scammers, virus engineers, etc.. this world sucks enough, we don't need you making it suck more.
Clamoring for anything and everything to just have a taste of a happy moment again, (using the only method old bitter men have left, MONEY)
That is a *vast* improvement over my system. Well done!
love of wifey
like binary
doubles every year.