Jeff Haas wrote: »
Oh wow, you have to read the questions and reviews of that thing!
I am a scientist. Like everyone else that has purchased and reviewed this item I thought it was a hoax. I also felt like I needed to take it a step further and do a little data analysis on this device. Most if not all of the reviewers that plugged this device in experienced some sort of interface with a UFO. One guy said it does not work at all. This lead me down a path to do a little statistical analysis on the device and I really came up with some interesting data. To make a long peer reviewed paper short in abstract this device is NOT a UFO Detector. This device is a UFO ATTRACTOR. Almost everyone that has reviewed this has experienced the same thing. Probing after plugging the device in. I am not talking just a finger or two or even the shocker I am talking a full fledged onward fist, metal probe or worse. So when I ran the numbers of people that got probed and correlated it to the people that actually got a visit once they plugged this in I was really floored. This thing is like the UFO Alien version of Tinder. Plug it in, aliens get notified, they speed to your house and let their extraterrestrial version of Netflix and Chill roll on.
So for this to be deemed good science I decided to try it. I plugged it in for like 45 seconds. The lights began to flash. I then unplugged it. I then hid it in freezer. Sure enough minutes later the sky lit up and this GIANT UFO was near my place. It seemed a bit confused though as if it was looking for something. Luckily I guess my quick unplugging it did not let these guys get a good GPS lock on my home. Instead they went to the neighbors home. I heard a lot of yelling in redneck street vernacular as what appeared to be two Greys dragging the father out of the double wide home. Wow and he thought an encounter with his probation officer was scary. I felt kind of bad after doing that. I saw him a week later drinking PBR tall boys by the fence. All he would do is mumble incoherent things. He was a lost and broken man after that. Guess he wont be blocking my driveway with this lifted 4x4 anymore.
I thought ok if this is science I have to duplicate my results. I went to my exwifes home at 3am and plugged it into the GFI plug that is on the south side of the home in front of the fence. Yeah that house I use to live in. I digress. Within seconds the lights started to flash. I looked to the night sky and saw a tiny pin prick of light start to get bigger and bigger. I unplugged the detector, jumped in my car and parked at the end of the street. In amazement a space craft showed up. This time a single grey came out with a rather large laser gun. He went to the front door and blasted it open and ran in like he was on a mission. I thought I was about to get sweet revenge for the hell this woman has put me through. But just minutes later the Grey ran out as if he was scared. He mumbled something that sounded like Oh hell no Im not paying you alimony, your family is bat shit crazy and we are not having a kid. The ship literally jumped to hyper space from the front yard and damaged some shingles on the neighbor’s roofs. NOAA claimed it was straight line microbursts during the night that damaged the homes. Yeah I know better.
So I had to use it one more time to be sure that my data held true. I went down to the local ICE office and asked for a job application. I sat in the lobby as asked the lady if I could borrow a pen and plug my phone charger into the wall to charge my phone as I filled this things out. She was sweet with her blonde hair extensions and fake nails. Shehanded me a Pilot Precise 5 extra fine and said sure charge my phone! So I reached into my briefcase and plugged the detector in. Sure enough just like the last 2 times the thing went crazy I let it go for like an additional 30 seconds so it would really get a good target lock for these aliens. I unplugged it and told the lady I had to go to my car for a minute and would be right back. I sat there and saw this only what I can describe as a large white oval UFO land near the building. It had ladders strapped to it, It was jamming some loud music and smelled of stale beer and only what I could describe as extraterrestrial weed. Eight of these greys just walked out. They had what looked like alien gang tattoos all over their torsos and coordinate numbers tattooed on their chests. They had sparkly bandanas on and crip walked to the front door of the office and just waltzed in like they owned the place. Screaming ensued from inside the building. I heard gunshots, at least I think they were. Sounds to me like automatic large caliber rifle fire. Anyways a few minutes later seven greys were seen dragging one grey out that was shot. They also had the lady from the front desk in tow. They pushed her in the spacecraft by her blonde weave and took off.
I really think what we have here is conclusive evidence this is a real UFO attractor not a detector. This thing is like a homing beacon for extraterrestrial life. Plug it in at your own risk. Don’t blame me if you get gaped like a 60mm gauge streatchy earring thing at ye ole meal exit place. This thing works. It works too good. Be very very careful when you plug this in. Do not place it near the microwave or near any type of baby monitor. All I can say is bad things happen if you do. Trust me. I cant wait for the Bluetooth cordless version to come out. Once that is available.. we are taking this to the monster truck rally.
localroger wrote: »
doggiedoc I am in tears here
doggiedoc wrote: »
localroger wrote: »
doggiedoc I am in tears here
I laughed out loud more than once!